Chapter 11 - The American family

The American family

Typical American family

If Americans should name their family:

Married Americans would say the name of their wife or husband and children. Their brothers and sisters are just single units.

Aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents are extended family.

Traditional family

The American families were nuclear families which consumed of wife, husband and children and lived in a house or an apartment.

Grandparents were rarely found living with their married sons or daughters. And uncles and aunts almost never do.

1950s

The classic American family where the father was the “breadwinner” and the family mother was the “homemaker” and the family had two children.

Reality today

Only today a small percentage of American families are living like “stay-at-home” mother, a working father and children under 18 years.

25% Americans is living alone.

The Emphasis on Individual Freedom

“The result is that the needs of each individual take priority in the life of the family” – This means that you take care of the ones in your family and you have to satisfy them.

You may not advance the family as a group – you may not say that your family is a bad family socially or economic.

You may not bring honor to the family because family name and honor is less important than in aristocratic societies (the ones who has god the money got the power)

American families likes to take decisions on their own and do certainly not want to be controlled by other family members

Marriage and divorce

Arranged marriages

Very few – Because the parents thinks that their children is getting happier in life if they fall in love with someone they can live with.

Not much influence

The parents do not have any influence of the wedding plans before the couple has decided to get married. This means that the parents have very little control and generally no influence of who their children marry.

The role of the child

Guilty parents

It can be really hard for both parents having a job and not giving their child enough attention and gives them material things to compensate so that the children aren’t feeling that alone in the end.

Child-centered viewpoint

Parents struggle and finds their jobs hard to get through is that the parents are “conscientious”. That means that they are showing their children a lot of care and attention, but the problem is that their jobs are taking a lot of their time.

Equality in the Family

Children loves, but in fear

In the 1830s in aristocratic societies the father was accepted as the ruler and master. The children still loved him but with fear.

The democratic society destroys his status. Today there are less respect for and fear of the father.

Too much democracy in the home

The parents would likely argue that they have all control of behavior in the family especially when it comes to teenage children above 16 when they get their drivers license.

A lot of freedom

Americans gives their young people more freedom so their teach themselves to be independent and self-reliant.

“Leave the nest”

American children are expected to leave their home when they turn 18 and graduates from high school. They more likely moves to other cities and then goes to collage.

Four stages of marriage relationships

Equality in marriage

There are four stages, every stage with its own level of power for the wife.

Stage 1: Wife as servant to husband

The wife is expected to be obedient, with no power in the house hold. The husband controls everything.

Stage 2: Husband-head, Wife-helper

The wife is now freer to disagree; this comes from work outside of the household, and with it some power.

The husband still has the last word. Women can vote now that gives them power in society.

Stage 3: Husband-senior partner Wife-junior partner

It has become more normal for a wife to have a job; the wife has fewer duties in the household and more power. The wife has an income that is important; however the husband’s job still ranks higher.

Stage 4: Husband-Wife equal partners

Jobs are equally important and equal in childcare and chores to. The wife can now have the most important job and their power is therefore equal.

In the real world the wife now feels she have two jobs: childcare and work, however the wife gets less pay for the same work.

Society is falling behind, however at some work places there is a daycare in the same building, and in some cases the husband gets off work because of a new born baby.

The role of the family in society

Men and women are equal everywhere, and there is a great focus on the individual freedom in the family, this however makes the family less stabile.

The family life is important; however the individual freedom is equally important, that makes a paradox.

Today only one of four families is traditional: a husband, a wife and children. This can be related to the high divorce rate and the fact that most second marriages fail, because of the children.

A new kind of family is the single parents and the gay couples both with children.

Because children learn moral values from the family this is a problem in USA.

Family values

The traditional values are mainly protecting the family and faith in god.

The new blend values are about respecting the individual and their freedom.

The family has become a place to “charge up ones batteries”